Archive for June, 2005

My vacuum cleaner and I have had a bit of a falling out. He’s been really great for the most part but lately he’s becoming suffocating. Literally. It’s all well and good to be BAGLESS and everything but when it means that the minute I open the latch to take out the dirt, the dust particles escape UP MY ASTHMATIC CAN’T TAKE MUCH MEDICATION BECAUSE I’M PREGNANT BRONCHIOLES then well, it’s time to stop singing his praises.

Not only that, but you can’t wash or brush or wipe the filters, just lightly “tap” them on the floor. This tapping means the tiny tiny dust particles, dust mites and dead skin cells get tapped onto the floor and then I have to what? use a dustpan and brush to pick them up so that I can put them in the bin. Ugh..can’t do anything right.

He’s probably noticed I’ve been finding him irritating – his little roller’s stopped spinning and now he’s gone to Mr Sparky for some emergency counselling. I’m not expecting him to come back a brand new vacuum cleaner or anything but I hope Mr Sparky knocks some sense into him and we can at least get along…you know…. for the children’s sake.

1. One day someone will tell her, “Gosh, you’re showing already” and the next day someone else will tell her, “But you’re not even showing!” (the first person is EVIL, remember that – EVIL)

2. Her whole world crumbles when she thinks her husband bought her the 50 g bar of chocolate INSTEAD OF THE 250g BLOCK THAT SHE POLISHES OFF IN AN HOUR…HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW I WANTED THE 250g CHOCOLATE?!

3. Oranges with vinegar and chilli is considered a meal (the chocolate is a snack, ok?)

4. She’s overjoyed when her jeans don’t fit her anymore but complains constantly about how fat she’s getting.

5. She rings her husband out of the blue for no apparent reason but to cry into the phone. Poor husband only gets sobbing and blubbering when he asks over and over, “Is the baby ok? Is the baby ok?” He finally figures out baby is indeed ok and his wife is just insane. PHEW!

6. NEVER EVER TOUCH THE BELLY UNLESS YOU ARE ASKED. There is a pecking order when it comes to touching the pregnant belly. Be aware if you are not asked to feel baby kick it means that you’re probably at the bottom of the pile.

7. That nesting thing they talk about is rubbish.

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