Tasmiya

I haven’t tested you, my readership for a very long time. I hope you have been studying. You are allowed 10 minutes perusal and 40 minutes for writing. If you require additional paper, please raise your hand quietly and wait for the old person to give you some. Toilet breaks are not permitted. So you better go before hand. Prizes for the winner*

Let’s just dive straight in, shall we?

1. How did Tasmiya and Farhad celebrate their TENTH wedding anniversary?

a) a blissful escape from the rat race, children and all modern life with a holiday on a secluded island, private beach, skinny dipping et al.

b) a cursory peck on the cheek

c) a truckload of gifts made from/themed from tin - the traditional material for the tenth year. How utterly sweet and thoughtful.

d) Tasmiya had supper at mum’s (with the children) and Farhad a bit tired, stayed at home. Eh. Who said romance was dead?

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2. What happened after Tasmiya gloated about 2 year old’s toileting triumphs?

a) nothing. Things continued along swimmingly with nary a urine or faeces soaked piece of clothing in sight

b) 2 year old cried out for nappies as he was tired of doing things in the toilet and wanted to a baby once more

c) accidents to rival VICTORIA FALLS !

d) b and c only

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3. How many times does Tasmiya have to politely ask the children to do something before it gets done?

a) just the once - my parenting skills are teh bomb! and the boys are compliant and obedient at all times

b) twice - sometimes they get distracted and need reminding

c) FOUR TIMES and then when they finally do it, it’s only half done

d) Politely? Are you kidding me? The only time they do anything is if I’m yelling at them!

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How many loads of washing in the Tasmiya household to be washed, hung out, ironed and folded and put away in total?

a) none - I actually AM the superwoman I claim to be

b) maybe one

c) two

d) I’ve seriously lost count - there are about FIVE that need sorting/ironing/folding etc, ONE on the line now, another truckload still to wash and that doesn’t even include the handwashing? WHOEVER INVENTED HANDWASHING? I KNOW IT WASN’T REALLY INVENTED I AM JUST MAKING A JOKE CAN YOU NOT SEE? *CRY*

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What has the fun-filled Tasmiya family planned for this weekend?

a) we are Indian. We don’t make plans - we decide at sunset what we will be doing for that day

b) weekend at the beach, science centre, gallery of Modern Art and all sorts of cultural and exciting things

c) gardening

d) work

e) all of the above except for b

f) c and d only

g) too many choices - when in doubt pick b

h) c

i) why the capital letters for “modern art”?

j) d

k) a

l) b

m) ok the joke has well and truly been done now

n) l

o) k

p) no really, stop

q) j

r) is it over yet?

s) h

t) k

u) nearly finished

v) i

w) t

x) zzzzzzzzzzz

y) q

z) ok finished now

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* And by prizes I just mean my unwavering appreciation and admiration

“There are significant human rights problems in Tibet.”

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“celebrate and commend the achievements of the state of Israel in the 60 years since its inception;”

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“We recognise the need for all parties to avoid violence and find a solution through dialogue.”

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“commend the state of Israel’s commitment to democracy, the rule of law and pluralism;”

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As a long-standing friend of China, I intend to have a straightforward discussion with China’s leaders on this.”

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“on this, the 60th anniversary of independence of the state of Israel, pledge our friendship, commitment and enduring support to the people of Israel as we celebrate this important occasion together.”

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At the risk of Murphy’s Law and the Parenting Law that states any bragging of children will immediately follow with exact opposite behaviour from said children and of course I will make sure I say mashaAllah so as not to draw the evil eye to myself or my children and I am sitting here touching away at a wooden table - it’s that awful chipboard stuff does that count? I will say this :

2 year old is out of nappies! MASHALLAH!

He has taken to the toilet like a fish to water (well not quite)

We still have the occasional accident but it’s surely been the quickest of the three children so far. He actually gets the whole OOOHHHHHH I NEED TO DO IT IN THE TOILET NOW? thing as opposed to my eldest who didn’t quite get it until about 6 months into it. Penny dropped a bit too slowly for him unfortunately (for both him and mum)

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Brag #2 is that I have the day off today. I did the grocery shopping without incident (oh and who said the grocery bill would be less after toilet training?? LIARS) and the children are playing like angels right now and did so while husband, 2 year old and MYSELF actually had a nap! Husband and 2 year old are still kipping and I am making cupcakes in a minute. WITH ICING. WITH SPRINKLES OF HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS. Eh. Life’s good.

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Brag #3 is the weather is divine. We have the sky completely black from threatening storm clouds. So ominous. I love it.

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Edited to add - He still wears the nappy at night.

How (NOT) to enjoin the good and forbid the evil

- do not at any time think of your own self but concentrate on the ill doings of others. You are perfect.

- tell anyone and everyone they will go to hell if they don’t listen to you.

- ensure you tell wrongdoers in the most offensive way possible and when they say they are offended, be sure to soften things by telling them, “I am saving you from the hell fire.. you should not be so arrogant…you should be thankful and take this as advice given out of love and concern for your afterlife…what if you are in a burning house, do you expect me to talk to you quietly and gently?!…I am doing this for your own good, why are you so stubborn that you cannot see?….”

Saturday

- early morning dramas as usual

- work - usual dramas

- home late (as usual)

- house DEAD quiet

- kid’s sleeping over at Mum’s!

- talk about the children for the rest of the night

- bed by 8:30 (we are such party animals)

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Sunday

- enjoy waking up at own leisure

- wonder what the children would be up to

- hope they didn’t wake up Mum too early

- eat breakfast IN FRONT OF COMPUTER!

- watch a movie

- clean the house with the luxury of not having someone behind messing up what was tidied

- wonder what the children are up to

- shower very late in the day

- have lunch

- wonder what children are up to

- pick children up

- eldest helps out in the garden while younger ones have a kip

- supper

- bed

- fin