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In a cruel twist, the weather decides to shine brightly( after what? 7 days of straight cloud and rain) the very day the children are back at school.

I feel good. Not that the boys have left me – for that I am miserable. We spent a glorious few days on the Sunshine Coast this last week and as everything else, it had to come to an end.

We had a few minor medical emergencies before the holiday. The day before we set off, my uterus decided to scare me with contractions that just would not stop. They were not painful but they were frequent and since most of my labours start this way (listen to me, I sound Quiverful – I only have the three!) I started panicking. I was not ready to have my baby and baby certainly was not ready or mature enough to face the world. AND BESIDES, WE HAD A HOLIDAY TO GET TO AND DAMNED IF I WAS GOING TO SPEND IT IN THE HOSPITAL WITH A CORK UP MY LADY PARTS! Or whatever it is they do to stop pre-term labour. I went to the hospital, hooked up to monitors while they measured my contractions and I got to listen to baby’s heart beat and him/her kicking. Praise God all was ok. No labour, they were just bad braxton hicks. I was told to take it easy and off I went back home, still worried because I didn’t quite believe them.

The day of our holiday, 9 year old managed to gash the skin of his leg wide open. There was very little blood but it was obvious he’d need stitches. Thankfully, a quick visit to the doctor (aka my father) and no stitches required; he steri stripped it, put a water proof band aid over the top and for his bravery, 9 year old was given a bright pink sugar laden drink and we headed back home to finish off the last minute packing.

Once there, all I did was potter around the apartment with my pregnant belly, while husband took the boys swimming to the pool and then the beach. I’d read a book, watch some daytime TV before heading over to the beach to meet them and play with sand, build sandcastles and walk along the shore searching for shells and poking  the odd crab hole. What is it about the beach that most of us find so relaxing? The waves can be noisy, the sea breeze at times can be fierce and the sun scorching and yet, I am at peace when I look towards the ocean, the cool waves lapping my feet.

10 weeks left of school until the next holidays. CANNOT WAIT. Although these next holidays inshaAllah will bring about a bit less relaxation and a hell of a lot more exhaustion. But peaceful and blissful all the same. Baby is due the week school closes for the Summer. Hope he/she can stay put until then.

I used to love reading Asiya’s blog posts (not sure if she is still blogging but if I find a link, will be sure to post it here) though I hardly ever replied. Her sense of deep introspection and thinking always left me in awe and I imagine if I were ever to reply, all that I could muster would be a  clumsy and banal  ”WOW. That’s *deep*”  And that would be for each and every post.

Recently I’ve been attempting my own journey to self but in a way more awkward and embarrassingly confused bumble than the ideal (in my mind) controlled, self disciplined approach. I had been unhappy for a long time. Not with anything or anyone in particular but it’s made me quiet, withdrawn and maybe even depressed at times. Through examining myself from a distance, my relationships with my friends and with my family for what they truly are, I am feeling  better. So much better and I am grateful. Very grateful. I have been reading Buddhism for Mothers and perhaps this was the catalyst to my journey but who knows?  My knowledge of Buddhism is pretty limited and in the small amount of reading I’ve done, I can definitely see its appeal. I used to laugh when people would say that one could be a Buddhist Muslim – utterly ridiculous, surely! But there is so much in Buddhism that is compatible with leading a faithful Islamic life that one could quite easily incorporate the two (of course, leaving out all the contradictory bits to Islam and I think I will use this time to digress – all the books on Islamic parenting I have ever read are all about how we must teach them to pray, to hit them if they refuse to pray, to stop them from masturbating or they will be weak minded and their spouses will hate them, make sure our girls are covered,  separate the genders so they never interact ever because otherwise if you don’t do this, everyone will be having relations with each other willy nilly. Seriously??? Someone needs to write an Islamic parenting book that isn’t so ..I don’t know SCAREMONGERING??)

As I read through Buddhism for Mothers, I realise it’s taking me AGES, not because the book is particularly difficult to read but because non-fiction is just so HARD for me get into – books for me are meant to be an escape from reality so I’ve always been a purely fiction fan. Also with each chapter comes more and more thinking, more and more reflection on what I’ve been doing, how I can do it better, how I can incorporate the lessons in my own parenting and in my own life and that’s a lot to digest in one sitting. And I haven’t even come to the chapter on meditation yet!

I haven’t yet become the “calmer and happier” mother the back cover claims but God willing I think I am on the way.

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