I’ve been blessed with 3 easy labours, each easier than the previous so inshaAllah, the next one will be a breeze.

It’s been 10 years since my first pregnancy and while by God’s grace I am coping reasonably well, I am finding that exhaustion comes more quickly and so does impatience. Some nights, after putting the children to bed, I fall into my own and I’m asleep within seconds. Yet I don’t know if this is the hardest pregnancy on me physically; certainly emotionally and mentally it’s been a lot more challenging. I am always torn 3 ways and most of the time I can manage and deal with it. Lately, though I wonder if I can handle being torn in a 4th direction. Already I feel as though I cannot possibly manage to give anymore. So when I have 3 children demanding of me RIGHT THIS MINUTE, it all feels so suffocating. GAH! “Leave me alone!” I want to scream.

Then there is the money issue. We must buy a new car. I say “must” but I suppose we can make do with two trips? Or just use the 2 cars we have. Alhamdulillah how many of us can say we have TWO cars. We are truly blessed. How much to nappies cost nowadays? Do I have enough courage to go cloth? What about baby wipes, nursing pads? How much more will our grocery bill cost? I must learn to forget about daydreaming of a time when all my children are in school and I can give more attention to the home and yes, selfishly, to myself – whether it be leisurely lunches with friends, who knows even a movie in the daytime! or even more time employed.

I have discussed with my husband sending my youngest to day care for the rest of the year (he will start full time school next year inshaAllah) but I wrestle with the idea. Children grow so quickly. In the blink of an eye, my eldest is already 10 years old and we must think about highschool! I don’t have much time before the onslaught of school envelopes my 4 year old. Then am I keeping him home for the wrong reason? Am I being too selfish? Would he benefit? His personality leads me to think otherwise. Would I benefit from extra time? Probably!

And yet despite all the worry there is so much excitement. A new baby! Is there anything that smells more beautiful? Is there anything more enjoyable than a house packed with noise and delightful screams from happy children?

I pray that all goes well, that baby is happy and healthy and a delight to all that lay eyes on him/her.

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