Tasmiya

At the risk of Murphy’s Law and the Parenting Law that states any bragging of children will immediately follow with exact opposite behaviour from said children and of course I will make sure I say mashaAllah so as not to draw the evil eye to myself or my children and I am sitting here touching away at a wooden table - it’s that awful chipboard stuff does that count? I will say this :

2 year old is out of nappies! MASHALLAH!

He has taken to the toilet like a fish to water (well not quite)

We still have the occasional accident but it’s surely been the quickest of the three children so far. He actually gets the whole OOOHHHHHH I NEED TO DO IT IN THE TOILET NOW? thing as opposed to my eldest who didn’t quite get it until about 6 months into it. Penny dropped a bit too slowly for him unfortunately (for both him and mum)

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Brag #2 is that I have the day off today. I did the grocery shopping without incident (oh and who said the grocery bill would be less after toilet training?? LIARS) and the children are playing like angels right now and did so while husband, 2 year old and MYSELF actually had a nap! Husband and 2 year old are still kipping and I am making cupcakes in a minute. WITH ICING. WITH SPRINKLES OF HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS. Eh. Life’s good.

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Brag #3 is the weather is divine. We have the sky completely black from threatening storm clouds. So ominous. I love it.

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Edited to add - He still wears the nappy at night.

2 year old: I want roti sugar!

Tasmiya: Here you go.

2 year old: No, I don’t want roti sugar!

I want noodles!

Tasmiya: *sigh* OK. Let me make it for you.

(places bowl of noodles on table)

2 year old: I don’t want noodles!

Tasmiya: How about you try to make a wee in the toilet.

2 year old: I don’t want to make a wee!

Tasmiya: Ok fine, just don’t go and make it on the carpet - call me if you need to go and I will help you.

(moments later)

2 year old: I MADE A WEE ON THE CARPET!

Tasmiya: ARGGHGH!

2 year old: I want to go see Naani.

Tasmiya: We have things to do at home so maybe another day.

2 year old: BUT I WANT TO SEE NAANI!!

(managing to get all house stuff in order, get the boys ready and drive to Mum’s. Pull into the driveway)

2 year old: Awww I didn’t want to come HERE!

Tasmiya: *sigh*

Six months ago my children were driving me insane with their constant, continuous and/or continual fighting (take your pick) and bickering. I could not leave them for FIVE minutes without someone attacking the other - with words or HORROR OF HORRORS a funny face (a crime against all that is good and right with the world, surely) or a smack.

Goodness knows what has happened (and I thank Goodness and of course Goodness’s owner, God) - the children are getting along. All of them. They play together, share together and best of all laugh together. It does have its drawbacks though as nothing I say actually goes into their brain - it usually gets snorted out or laughed out or farted out if they are in the mood for that sort of thing and let’s face it - they’re boys so they’re ALWAYS in the mood for farting. They actually take after their mother. So husband and I are left with tidying up their mess about which they’ve been reminded countless times is THEIR responsibility, making beds they’re supposed to make and taking plates to sinks and flushing toilets because they keep forgetting to do it.

You know what I’m going to say, right?

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

*Sigh*.

I lament the demise of the midday nap. This is a sad day in my parenting life and I am sure parents all over the world will empathise. 2 year old has decided he does not need the middle of the day nap which means he will continue his whining and demanding for 13 hours STRAIGHT. No respite or relief for poor 4 year old and me during the day and 7 year old and husband will have to deal with it in the afternoon and evenings. I am in for a month or so (oh dear God let it ONLY be a couple of weeks) of bouts of narcolepsy, terrible tantrums come 5 o’clock and at dinner time, inappetance and general grumpiness which the poor family will need to just suck it up and deal. AND THAT IS JUST ME, PEOPLE! Lord knows what the 2 year old will dish out.

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We finally got a gardener to come and fix up the garden. Of course we are green thumbs and horticulturists and landscape artists - it’s just that we don’t have the time and I am lazy and I hate getting my hands dirty. The garden actually looks decent alhamdulillah. I’ve had to call over 10 different people, 5 of whom said straight out they were too busy or did not work in this area. The other 5 however got my details, asked what I needed done, organised a time for a quote and then DID NOT SHOW UP. What is going on? Do they take a drive through the neighbourhood, assume we are povos with no money (which isn’t that far from the truth - that dishwasher cost a fortune) and then leave quietly. Do they take one look at the yard, realise it’s beyond repair and beat a hasty retreat? Even if they are busy and yes I can completely understand that people are busy and alhamdulillah they have work now that the rains have come but if you can’t make your appointment then ring to cancel or reschedule! It isn’t that difficult. Plus remember - one day you will enrage a woman who has the memory of an ELEPHANT when it comes to being wronged and she will warn others never to accept your gardening services EVER EVER AGAIN BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAD THE DECENCY TO CALL BACK OR PITCH UP FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT, GRAHAM and RAHEEM (I think this is a Muslim man, because his surname sounds eerily familiar and if this is the case then SHAME ON YOU TWICE!) and SHANE and JIM and JAMES.

And I don’t want to sound like I’m threatening you guys or anything but - I have your number. And I know where you live.

I may take it upon myself to NOT CALL you. Or better yet NOT TURN UP AT YOUR PLACE AND REARRANGE YOUR GARDEN FOR YOU.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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And now that I’ve finished whinging, let me tell you about my wonderful children. 4 year old will always open the boot for me and 7 year old proceeds to fold up the pram and put it securely in the boot while I am busy strapping in the 2 year old. These are my little angels.

You know what I’m talking about, right? There are children who cry for no apparent reason - most of the time they don’t even know why they are teary or angry or upset. Then there are those rare ones who seem to know exactly what is wrong, be able to verbalise it, sure they have a cry but quickly they move on - happy that their feelings have been heard and acknowledged.

My four year old is one such child.

An example:

D: So when Wudsie died then we only had Adam.

Tasmiya: Yes Adam was all by himself.

D: Then Noodles came. But if Adam dies then Noodles will be by himself and then if Noodles dies then we will have no cats.

Tasmiya: That’s right. No more cats. Unless we decide we want another one.

D: I don’t want another one.

Tasmiya: That’s ok then.

D: (Beginning to sob) I want Wud-you back. I want Wud-you to come back.

Tasmiya: Oh my darling. He can’t come back. I can’t bring him back.

D: (More heartfelt weeping) I loved him so much! Adam was always mean to him and Wud-you was so nice.

Tasmiya: (Hugging him and crying too) Yeah, Adam was very mean, wasn’t he?

D: It isn’t fair! Wudsie was the nice cat!

Tasmiya: No. It isn’t fair. You miss him don’t you? We all miss him. He was a wonderful cat.

D: Yes. I miss him so much.

D: Can I have a chocolate?

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The finality of death covered? Check!

Life goes on regardless covered? Check!

The unfairness of death covered? Check!

Chocolate heals what ails you - Check!

We didn’t have a very good day today. I was mean mum - getting irritable and cranky and of course my children being normal healthy children still craved my attention and love (more so than usual). I know the antidote to this crankiness and their neediness is to give more of myself so they know that we are ok but I just didn’t have it in me today.

So I left them with husband this evening. I thought I would be racing out the door with a huge smile on my face but my two older boys were very emotional upon my leaving. I asked them why they could possibly want me around for a second longer since I was cranky and horrid. Didn’t they want to get away from me and spend tons of uninterrupted play time with their father? Apparently not.

All three of us cried, with husband and 2 year old looking on - husband a bit annoyed at the histrionics and 2 year old with no idea what was going on.

Mothers have a great amount of time, energy and love to give.

Sometimes the time slips away and we realise we didn’t spend any of it with the children. Sure the children are with us the whole day but do we spend it actually engaging with them? So we make the effort to do this the next day = to play, to laugh and just to BE with them.

Most times we are low on energy. We have simply done too much, breastfed too much, cleaned and cooked too much, worked too hard and are physically exhausted by the end of the day. So we try desperately to get a good night’s rest in order that we may be fresh again for the demands of the day.

Then (very rarely) there are times when it seems we have run of love. Of course we haven’t really run out of it -it’s just misplaced. We need to go somewhere quiet and peaceful to reflect and to search for it. It never hides for too long.

Tonight I found mine in between sipping coffee and flipping through cookbooks, home renovation books (no water features in there, sorry Susan), magazines and kids’ books at Borders. Most times I find it on my prayer mat. I found it once cleaning the room and stumbling across a baby photo.

Where do you find your love?

Things they don’t tell you about the chalkboard wall you so lovingly apply to help the children’s creativity blossom:

1. 4 year old will smear his face on the wall and scream out, “Look at me, mum I’m the JOKER!”

2. 2 year old will carry a very large receptacle of water and splash water all over the wall. “I’m washing, mum!”

3. Children will use any piece of fabric in the vicinity (ie clothes on their backs, tea towels, mother’s scarf) as a chalkboard duster.

4. Children will actually WORK TOGETHER and share the wall. Would anyone have thought THAT would happen?

5. Children won’t ask to watch Kim Possible, Batman or Mythbusters as they’re too busy drawing.

6. Mother can pretend she is homeschooling the children.

7. 2 year old will discover that sometimes it’s more fun to squash the chalk pieces to dust than use them to write.

My lactation consultant has asked a favour:

I have a request to make. At the moment I am completing a small study on “cross-feeding”, the sharing of breastfeeding between sisters and close friends. The study involves cross-feeding that happened in Australia, irrespective of where the mothers were born. Mothers interviewed also need to be proficient in English.

I had particularly wanted to include Australian women from Islamic communities, but this hasn’t happened and I believe the study will be lacking in an important cultural dimension. I am aware of the “milk sibling” relationship and have mentioned it in a historical article previously (to be published in March).

So, I wondered if you knew of anyone who has shared the breastfeeding of a baby with a sister or close relation, and who would be willing to answer some questions, either by email or on the telephone. I can explain the confidentiality, etc., then. It would take only a few minutes.

Anyone interested in participating, please contact me - tasmiyablog(at)gmail(dot)com or directly brislact(at)hotmail(dot)com