Category: Tuesday Question

While I expected eleventy questions, am actually quite happy with the 3 because that’s all I can pretty much handle right about now.

beyond: yes,why parked a BUS?

Now that we have four children, standard cars cannot accommodate us all so we’ve had to buy a bus. I call it a bus because it certainly looks like one and whenever I pull up to the traffic light and we happen to be next to a bus, I’m at the same level as the bus driver. I always make a point to wave as we bus drivers are always polite to each other but staying true to my bus driver roots, I ensure my passengers are treated in the most rude way imaginable. I start driving before the bus doors are closed and way before everyone is seated. I refuse to accept notes, preferring coins and EXACT change. I frequently yell at the passengers when they don’t know where they are going, “WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE? A TOUR GUIDE??” I don’t give way to passing traffic and I never use my indicator. If I see a would-be passenger running to catch me, I wait until he/she is just close enough to board but then I quickly take off so they miss me! HA! I make such a good bus driver, don’t I?

rehana: yay for questions! my 6 year old has after school activities every day except on Friday’s and now he just got into an art class that he was on a waiting list for since june last year. it will be on saturday mornings. am i going to burn him out? ( i didnt even think of this until a few weeks ago when someone said it to me). He does maths and english on the other days plus madressah twice a week. when he has free time he just wants to watch tv…so i figured it’s better to have him involved with extra curriculum.

This is the voice of experience talking here: I really don’t know! I lot depends on your son’s personality. I did the same to our 10 year old (when he was seven) and it broke all of us. He was doing madressah Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and then Tuesdays and Thursdays he had tuition and Thursdays the added pressure of swimming. He was coming home after 6:30 pm every night, having to eat quickly and then go straight to do madressah AND school homework, I forbid him from playing with his brothers until the weekend – I mean just read that again – forbid him from playing!

The tuition cost us a packet and I really didn’t see any improvement in his skills even though they kept telling me he is getting somewhere. He put so much effort into the madressah stuff and I’m not saying that everyone should get a medal for trying but geeze, the amount of work he put into madressah was not recognised and for me that was the last straw. I cried the day of the madressah jalsah because nobody but this family knew what my little boy went through.

The next year I cut everything. No madressah, no tuition. I did keep the swimming because I do think it’s a valuable skill to know and I know he is grateful that we continued. I am a big proponent of letting our children just be. After seeing how his little spirit was broken every single day of his life that year, I vowed I’d never ever do it again to any of my children.

There is something to allowing our children to just muck around in the backyard with gay abandon after a tiring day at school. (We don’t allow any television on weekdays.) The spontaneous laughter, the fighting and whinging and then me yelling at them to play NICELY FOR GOODNESS SAKE!  Aah such bliss. My neighbours love us, I am sure. There will be plenty of time for long days when they’re out in the workforce and at least they will be remunerated accordingly.

That’s not to say they don’t have their own responsibilities – helping set the table, emptying their bags, giving me school notes and they are responsible for their own homework. I will allow them until 5pm to do as they please but after that, they must sit and sort out their own homework. They need only ask for help and I will be there but not until they’ve tried to do it themselves.

BUT your son may be completely different and he may thrive with all these extra curricular activities. Some children just blossom.

Mine didn’t.

He wilted. *sad face*

If he seems to be faltering and getting burned out, try to cut one activity out and maybe reintroduce it next semester.

my question is how with a new born are you able to entertain your kids.i have 3 and they all want my attention at the same time and i have to say quiet to one boy so that i can listen his sister which makes the boy very how do u do that?

Well you could ignore them all!

Just kidding!

It’s a hard one, isn’t it? Being pulled 3 ways is never fun, especially when no matter what we do it’s never good enough. We will never spend enough time with our children because I think ideally they’d want us all to ourselves and even if you have only one child, it’s impossible to do this. I think rather than being able to spend equal time with the children ALL the time, which takes an expert in mathematics and time management, the idea is to help our children develop the skills to be able to live without us for just the second it takes to listen or be with the other children. How do we do this?

Well, in the early stages, use some “Time In” as opposed to Time Out approach by using what we call Special Time. Yes, this does involve equal time for each child but it’s not all the time and you only do what you can handle. It’s a  great way to be proactive instead of reactive. Here’s how it works:

Set aside a distinct period of time that you will engage with your child in an activity of THEIR choosing. You will need to obtain the help of a caring friend, relative or partner to look after the other kids while you take the one. If you can only manage 15 mins in your day then 5 mins each is plenty to start off with. In this time, all you need to do is simply LOVE everything that your child is doing. Use a timer so that your child can see you are committed to spending this time absorbed in them completely. No multitasking is allowed – don’t answer the phone or fold clothing or fry stuff. Just enjoy the time.

When the timer goes, give your child a hug and and offer thanks for the opportunity to play and you can schedule another Special Time session.

There is a bit more to this but again, my battery is dying. Feel free to ask more questions in the next Tues question installment if you need clarification.


Oh hai. Just edited to add this: Please leave more questions in comments and we can make this a weekly thing, you lucky devils!!

Yes! It’s been over a year and I have lost so many of my regular readers but have also gained some new ones along the way so hopefully this won’t all fail miserably in which case I will just pretend and make up my own questions from “regular readers and fans”

For those not in the know, here’s how it works:

Ask me a question. Any question. Personal/impersonal/mathematical/grammatical/parenting/vet related. Anything.

And I shall give you an answer.

See how easy that is?

Ask here in the comments and those wishing to remain anonymous may do so – you can even email me questions – tasmiyablog(at)gmail(dot)com.

See here for previous episodes of question tomfoolery!!

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