No this isn’t a post about how guilty* I feel for merrily eating Cadbury Scorched Peanuts while the boys have gone to the oh so exciting, stimulating and educational BANK with their father. It isn’t even about the times I use time-out for my own children’s safety lest I lash out with loud, cruel and hurtful words or worse still; a hard smack.

This post is about how to successfully be the worst mother imaginable.

“The Horrible Mother” is one of our many made-up games. I can’t exactly remember how it all came about. Lawrence J. Cohen in his book “Playful Parenting” (highly recommended by the way) teaches us to “follow the giggles” so I’m guessing that’s how it started – with just one giggle. The game has quickly become a staple in our play repertoire. The only rule we have (it’s an unspoken rule but it’s vital to our game) is that there be no physical contact.

I, of course am the Horrible Mother. I get to yell, scream, shriek and be very mean to the boys. I am a bumbling mess and can never quite discipline them properly (kind of mirrors my real life I guess) no matter how hard I try. The boys, in turn get to disobey me and make fun of me all the while giggling at my incompetence in all aspects of child rearing.

So far I’ve sent them to their rooms without any supper, only to have them sneak back out to eat food. I’ve sent them for time-out only to re-enter the room when magically the boys have disappeared (i.e. they are hiding under some blanket sniggering and giggling while I pretend not to see them). I’ve threatened to eat their shoes, forced them to make their beds and go to bed without brushing their teeth (HORRID HORRID MOTHER) and then wake them up when they are still tired and DEMAND they cook me breakfast. Depending on their mood, they either flat out ignore what I ask or they defiantly say, “No!” They sometimes put something faecal in my breakfast and are in hysterics when I eagerly chew and swallow every putrid mouthful.

What do the boys get out of this? They get to laugh at somebody much bigger and older than them making a complete fool of herself.

From Playful Parenting :

Children often feel stupid – either secretly or not so secretly – and they long to see someone else look stupid for a change. One of my favorite ways to reach children is to lose my dignity. This lets children be the more powerful one in playful interactions, and lets them heal their bruised egos by seeing me lose my dignity a little. I have found that nothing lets children laugh more than my pretending to be a dolt.

More importantly, they get to DISOBEY me. It’s tough being a child. Children have to listen to rules and obey when half the time none of the rules make any sense and they almost always spoil the fun. By being the children of the Horrible Mother my boys are in control. In a play situation, they can do things they can only ever fantasise about. How often have you had an argument with someone and wished you could tell them to just p*** off? How often has the most vile insult been on the tip of your tongue daring you to spit it out? It’s the same for children. Play provides an outlet for children to release and express pent up emotions in a safe environment without fear of punishment or blame.

What do I get out of this? Why, I get to be the Horrible Mother of course.

WITHOUT THE GUILT.

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Muahahahahaha**

*Not that guilty, actually.

**Evil maniacal laughter

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