Honestly, would you just say it already? “I’m sorry” is going the same way as “another shrimp on the barbie” or “flamin’ galah” – words never uttered by real Australians.

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Kevin
Hey, did you hear about Frank?

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Malcolm
Nah, mate what happened?

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Kevin
Some bloke barged into his house and ransacked the whole place; stole his TV, his video camera and his car!

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Tony Abbott
How do you know that? Were you even there?! Who is teaching you all this bullsh*t?!

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Malcolm
Not very Christian of you, Tony.

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Tony Abbott
F**K OFF!

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Kevin
Would you two just knock it off?

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.Kevin
Actually, no – carry on. It makes me look good.Where’s Brendan?

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Tony Abbott
Who? Ohh..yeah Brendan..here he comes, with Frank.

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Kevin
Frank, mate. Ummm. Yeah…So..How are ….Umm. On behalf of all of us, sorry about what happened to you. Having all your crap stolen. That’s awful.

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Malcolm
Yeah, really sorry.

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Indigenous
Yeah, thanks for that, Kev. They stole everything I owned, man.

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Tony Abbott
Frank, I really take offense to you saying that they STOLE stuff from you. I mean, they might have actually been trying to HELP you. Did you ever think of that??

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Indigenous
Umm..no I didn’t actually th…

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Australian
Well, I’m not sorry. I didn’t do anything to ya. IT WASN’T MY FAULT. I’M NOT FRIGGIN’ SORRY, OK? He’s not f**king saying sorry on my behalf! I’m not sorry.

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Brendan
I’ve only just arrived so I’m not clued up on the whole thing…So what words did you actually use there, Kev? Look, Frank, I’m not sure if I’m saying sorry along with Kev. It really depends on the WORDING..You know what I mean? I’m not sure…. I’m not very sure of anything actually.

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Indigenous
Yeah ok, whatevs. Does anyone have a few bucks they can spare for the bus fare? Or can I get a ride with someone? I have to get to work and I have no transport.

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Kevin
I said sorry, Frank. I didn’t say I was going to HELP you or give you any money. Geeze.

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Brendan
Yeah…so..”sorry but no help?” Is that what we’re saying?

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Brendan
Hello?

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Brendan.
Anyone?

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