Any other women been through this? A friend or acquaintance happens to be due about the same time as you and you’re both excited – someone you can talk to about the journey; someone you can turn to when you’re having a bit of a rough day because they’ll understand…but then the comparisons start. It might start out innocently enough, both ask questions about their friend’s health and most of the time, the caring is genuine. Somewhere along the way though the note-comparing gets really stupid and things start to get a bit nasty.

It starts with the due date – when is baby due? Oh, my baby is due 10 days, 15 hours and 27 seconds earlier than yours! okkkkkay. You might think this is something completely irrelevant but this is the starting point by which everything will be judged. If you’re due earlier, you will need to make sure your nausea and morning sickness stops earlier because everyone knows there is something seriously wrong with you if you continue to get the vomits after the first trimester, especially if pregnant friend has already gotten over it. She’ll start off being all sympathetic about it but then after asking you in your sixth or seventh month and with gritting teeth you say you’re still throwing up, she’ll give you “thank God that’s NOT me” look and change the subject. You think you’re in for a bit of relief but she’s got more questions for you ABOUT THE PREGNANCY.

It isn’t even the fact that she (or someone else) is asking the questions – it’s that somehow no matter what you answer, you’re just not going to “measure up” :

Can you feel baby kick? Oh I felt the flutters at 10 weeks!
Are you *still* feeling tired? SHE NEVER felt tired the entire pregnancy!
Oh you’re showing really early. People didn’t know I was pregnant until after I gave birth!
Oh but you aren’t even showing. Are you *sure* you’re pregnant? You must have all your dates mixed up!

The worst part is that it doesn’t end there. There’s the competitive labour – where the ideal is fastest, least invasive, least pain relief and of course at HOME or the exact opposite – the ideal where there should be no pain or no feeling at all – no surprise, scheduled labour, everything completely sterile and medical.

Then we all become competitive mothers – are our babies teething first, crawling, walking, talking first? Our children should be toilet trained without incident, tantrums should be fleeting and easily resolved and of course we must make sure that we say that motherhood is fun and easy. We must never ever admit we’re having a tough time or that there are days when we really just want to run away.

What is it about us women? Why do we feel the need to be BETTER than other women when it comes to all aspects of pregnancy and motherhood? I’ve noticed this in parenting more than any other situation. My female colleagues are more than happy to help me out with a difficult case or let me go home early or help out with the consultations when it gets too busy. When we talk about motherhood, though – we all seem to want to be the happiest one. We all want to be the one with the easiest children and we MUST always mention how care free and easy our labours were.

This isn’t about supporting other mothers who have decided on a different parenting style (which, I do believe we should be doing – bar abuse/neglect). This is about mothers feeling inadequate for things more often than not, we have NO control over which is even worse.

Every pregnancy and every child is different. Ladies, embrace every aspect of your haemorrhoid laden, vomit inducing or carefree pregnancy and your excruciatingly painful or painless labour and your blissfully easy or your shock-horror first months into motherhood. Don’t hate on other mothers who look as though they’re having too much fun and most importantly don’t let any mother make you feel inadequate because of it.

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