The internet stole my last post (and boy you guys really missed out on something good). I’ll try and rewrite that one another time but…now for something COMPLETELY different – I was going to talk about guilt but when checking my blog stats saw that someone came here looking for advice “4 year old” throwing tantrums.
I felt horrible – this poor (most likely parent) came here searching for some ideas on what to do for his/her 4 year old. Well, in case this person happens to visit again I’m going to help. From all the reading I’ve done (online, in books, magazines) and advice I’ve been given (most of the time the advice is VOLUNTEERED and boy that does wonders for your self esteem when someone just happens to come to you to give you advice on what to do for your 4 year old throwing tantrums when all along you think you sort of kind of maybe might just have things under control) here are some of the methods employed by parents:
1. Ignoring – this one is easy to do if you have crocodile thick skin and/or an impervious force field to protect you from kicking, throwing, hitting and biting and/or you are deaf. If on the other hand possess none of these qualities, just PRETEND to ignore them.
2. Smack – now if you must post a “smacking is child abuse/violence is never right” type of comment please try not to start a flame war or I’m going to have to delete. I have read a few articles from parents who swear by this method. A quick smack on the bottom (not hard, mind you) and apparently your child is completely shocked, they stop tantruming. We have a “keep hands and feet to yourself” rule in our home so I’ve never actually tried this one and I’d hate to do an Animal Farm on the kids and change the rules to “keep hands and feet to yourself…except if you are having a tantrum then it’s ok for mum to smack you on the bottom only and not hard”. Our whiteboard simply isn’t big enough.
3. Hug – When your child is in the throes of these hissy fits..just walk up and HUG them. I’m not sure about any of you mums out there but when my child is acting like some creature out of a horror movie, the LAST thing I want to do is hug them. This one is very useful if you again have the impervious force field.
4. Time-out – Apparently 4 year olds are made small so you can CARRY them to your desired place of time-out until they have calmed down (Goodness knows they won’t go to the time-out willingly). Be prepared for natural disaster clean-up – fix holes in walls, piece together smashed up toy trucks and fold all clothes strewn on the floor in the aftermath of said natural disaster.
Ok…I’m sure there are hundreds of other tactics out there but the truth is one thing will work one day but not the next. One day you’re willing to try everything and another day you’ve just had enough and want to run away. I’m going to get all serious here for a second (mark the date..this doesn’t happen often on this blog).
Tantrums are a way for children to express how they are feeling. They are upset when you tell them they aren’t allowed to do something and because they aren’t able to express these emotions with words, they act them out – most often in the form of a sulk or a tantrum or both. Even 4 year olds who are quite capable of making themselves understood at other times have tantrums. Children also have frustration tantrums which in my experience are the hardest ones to deal with. We want to teach our children that it’s ok if they can’t do something, that they just need to keep trying and that all they need to do is ask for help but often everything we say is falling on deaf ears.
There are certain circumstances that make tantrums more likely-
A new environment – kids aren’t sure what’s expected of them (yes, even when you’ve been through it with them a dozen times before arriving). Stay close and watch for signs of frustration or feelings of not being in control. Reassure them that you are there or gently steer them away from tantrum provoking situations (like the kid who seems to be taking everyone’s toys or the game that might be a little too difficult for them or a place where they are most likely going to get into trouble for touching something).
Tired/hungry/bored – yes, children are more likely to tantrum if they’re any of these things so if you notice grumpiness, think about what you’ve done during the day – have they eaten/slept/played enough?
A new toy/game/friend – again, children aren’t sure what to expect with a new toy or they have a preconceived idea on how they will play with their new friend and when their friend wants to do something else a tantrum can ensue.
Sometimes we are able to nip tantrums in the bud. I realised from reading Playful Parenting (will post link later inshaAllah), play is an excellent way to steer a child towards a more “acceptable” form of acting out emotions and this is usually through laughter. If you notice there may be some trouble brewing, play a game or make your child laugh. This emotional release can actually prevent a tantrum.
The idea though isn’t to prevent tantrums – it’s to look at them in a completely different way. They aren’t outburts of selfishness or pure aggression but more of a release of pent up emotions. It’s our job as parents to let them know it’s ok to FEEL things and that we will always love them no matter how horrid their tantrums are.
AND YES MY DARLING SON, THEY’RE HORRID!!!
