Tasmiya

I’m not sure if this exists in any other culture but mine.

When a woman marries, she ceases to be part of her family and is now part of her husband’s family. Sounds nice in a creepy insane sort of way. Curiously (or maybe not) in my language, the literal translation of ‘husband’ is ‘owner’. Not only is the woman owned by her husband but by her husband’s family too. After marriage a woman is expected not only to serve her husband but to look after the needs and wants of his parents, his brothers and sisters and anyone else who happens to be related to him. She isn’t allowed to have too much contact with her family and if she goes to visit her family oh the eyebrow raising and tsk-tsking and the silent treatment is just the beginning.

If it sounds melodramatic and archaic, it’s because it is – this is something you SHOULD only see in b-grade Bollywood films when in the end the mother-in-law kills the daughter-in-law because she didn’t make the rotis properly, put too much salt in the curry and didn’t boil the cha long enough and hence deserved to die.

It’s never actually talked about but these unspoken golden rules are still alive and kicking (at least in my neck of the woods -which is 2006 AUSTRALIA for goodness sake). I don’t have to tell you that most of problems stem from interactions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It’s not overt. It starts with a few insensitive comments here and there from MIL maybe it’s about cooking or mothering skills. DIL talks back, gets put in her place or she just quietly takes it all and cries to herself or to husband. I could go on with examples of the sheer stupidity but to be honest, I’m not exactly sure who in my family reads this blog and I don’t want to stir the pot.

So what’s my point? My point is that the cycle never ends. Women in general have life tougher than men anyway so why are women hating on other women and making their lives harder? Why is the woman who complains at the unfair treatment her daughter receives the same woman who berates and belittles her daughter-in-law? What is it in some of us women that makes us believe the only way we are ever going to feel important and good about ourselves is to make another woman feel worthless?

Why are we not supporting one another?

Sorry this really isn’t flowing very well ..I might edit this later.

Don’t worry doctorsister & fee – nothing happened – I’m just thinking, that’s all.