We all know that a child’s job is to play and make a huge mess for mum to clean up…or not clean up, in my case. One of the main goals of play is to teach children about the environment, about how things work and it’s a great way to express pent up emotions in a safe environment without threat of blame or punishment. Play can help a child deal with an unfamiliar and scary real-life situation in a way that allows him to be completely in control of events:
My 2 1/2 year old has the most adorable hair. He had beautiful curly locks that we really didn’t want to cut – he was like the girl we never had. It was getting difficult to shampoo and the tears involved with rinsing his hair after shampooing were too much for him and for us. “Off with his head hair!” we said.
He sat for about 2 seconds at the hairdresser’s before jumping off the chair and no amount of gentle encouragement, bribing or threatening would get him back on the chair. He did manage to weasel a chocolate bar out of the hairdresser and once the purple chocolate was in his hand, he was off again.
So we left his long hair. We dressed him up in girl clothes and I called him Fuschia and we had play tea parties and we cooked from plastic pots & pans and did our hair and make-up together*. After a while he decided he wanted to play hairdresser. In Playful Parenting, Lawrence Cohen talks about children, when visiting the doctor for vaccination will usually come home to play doctors wanting to be the one to administer the shots thereby regaining their sense of control. (I’m sorry, I’ve tried to make that sentence sound less sucky but I can’t get it to work.) I knew my son would like me to be his victim and he the one to hold that cold metal blade precariously near my jugular. (I mean come on, what could he possibly not like about going to get his haircut?)
Nope. He wanted me to pretend to snip his hair while he sat perfectly motionless.
First attempt – I managed to put a towel around his neck before he quickly pulled if off and that was the end of our hairdresser game.
Second attempt a few days later – He sat for about 45 seconds while I snipped with imaginary scissors. “Enough!” he yelled and he was off again.
Third attempt – I managed a cut and almost a shave of his cute little duck tail.
This carried on for a couple of weeks. Each time he allowed me to do more and more with his hair until I cut, shaved, permed, coloured, foiled, blowdried, did his eyebrows and pierced his ears. You know -whatever it is those hair people do. When it came time to do the real thing he was ready. He sat in the chair completely quiet and still while the hairdresser cut off his luscious locks. He didn’t make a peep or move an inch.
During our times of play it was important for him to be in complete control of his experience. He needed to be able to say when was enough and know that I would stop immediately. In this way he learnt in small steps what was expected of him, what he would encounter and he had come to the realisation that haircuts aren’t that traumatic.
His hairdresser loves him. Whenever we visit the shopping centre and walk past her store, they greet with a warm embrace. She will leave her client sitting with foils on head or wet soppy hair wondering what on Earth is going on as she runs to him and hugs him….
and hands him a big fat chocolate.
Ah yes. Chocolate: the benefit of play!
*May or may not have happened in real life
