Dear sister Maliha asked me oh so long ago about some useful links for toilet training. Here you go:
Ask Dr Sears – I wish I had found this when I first started. Excellent resource.
Training – comprehensive
I have only successfully helped my 2 boys from nappy to toilet so I’m obviously no expert. With my eldest I made way too many mistakes and I was determined not to repeat them with my second. If your really want to hear my advice then read on. Plus if any experienced mums out there have any advice of their own, leave a comment!
Don’t start too early. It’s common knowledge that EVERYONE else’s child is successfully trained by the time they are BORN (or at the very least everyone will be telling you so). It’s OK. It doesn’t mean you need to pressure your child into doing something he is clearly not ready for. No matter how much well-meaning family “encourage” you. You are the mum – you decide. Here are a few of the signs of readiness mentioned on a myriad of websites:
1. Age – anywhere from 18 months to 3 years is generally when bladder and bowel control emerge
2. Can complete simple tasks – gives an idea of maturity
3. Nappy can stay dry for 2 hours – gives some indication of emerging bladder control
4. Stools become firmer and regular
5. Can pull pants up and down
6. Interest in all things related to bowel, bladder and toilet
7. An awareness that a bodily function is indeed happening
8. Discomfort after soiling the nappy – asking for it to be changed
Once you think your child is ready it’s a good idea to go slowly. Start by getting him used to your “toilet words”. Poo/poop/wee/pee etc. Whenever you notice he’s doing something in his nappy, just state very matter-of-factly, “Oh, you’re doing a wee.” This helps to reinforce the awareness and gets him used to using the toilet words.
Don’t use the potty. Of course there are benefits of using a potty and then progressing to the toilet but for me I could not stomach the idea of emptying the potty and washing it every time there was success. Plus the idea of children sitting in front of the television and doing their business just didn’t sit right with me. I hope I don’t offend anyone by saying this. It’s training your child from nappy then to potty and your poor child thinks it’s the end of it and then you go and change the rules all over again! If you have had success with the potty and think it’s a great idea then go for it. Whatever works and in the long run it isn’t like your child will be 18 and still going potty so he doesn’t miss Thomas the Tank Engine. AT LEAST WE HOPE NOT.
We have a step and an insert thingamy in the toilet so the little one can sit without fear of falling in, being flushed and never heard of again.
Think long and hard before going straight to undies. This is a bold decision and one which I would not recommend unless you are very good at hiding your horror as your child’s little parcel falls out and rolls down his leg onto your carpet where it will be trampled on so that even the underlay absorbs the stench. This is how my sister toilet trained her 3 children and they each managed to be completely done with training in 3 or 4 days. The theory is great but obviously practically it might not be so sweet smelling. The idea is you tell your child he is ready for underwear now and no more nappies (except perhaps at night). The first day is the day for accidents. He needs to have an accident to know how yuck it feels. The second day he figures out what needs to be done with maybe the occasional accident. The third day, he’s got it. YEAH RIGHT! It’s ok to use the pull-ups. Yeah, they’re more expensive but it will save you a bit in washing and cleaning and gagging and retching.
Be prepared to demonstrate. I know this sounds horrid but I think it’s important for the child to see you on the toilet. There is no room for embarrassment and bashfulness. He doesn’t need to see anything in the way of anatomy but he does need to be aware that mum, dad and everyone goes. I still draw the line at them wiping me. You on the other hand, may welcome an extra pair of hands to help. WHO AM I TO JUDGE?
Expect accidents and don’t discourage your child. They aren’t going to get it overnight (except of course if they are my sister’s children). It’s a skill that needs to be learnt. We all make mistakes when we’re learning. Praise all efforts and by all means have a huge party when there is success. Keep things low key when there’s a setback. The worst thing to do is get angry.
Relax. It WILL happen. Children are very perceptive and although it takes every ounce of effort to try not to show your frustration when he’s yet to do anything in the toilet for THREE weeks, he can sense your despair. If it’s not working and everyone is getting too worked up put your child back in nappies and try again in a month or so.
Hmm..that’s about it. Good luck!
assalaamu alaykum,
i’ve only trained my oldest boy, now 3 years. i took a very no pressure route, but he was trained by 18 months. sure he had accidents sometimes because he was so young, but i never encountered any resistance, which is so common with boys (i hear). my approach: have a potty available from the time they can walk. have them see you use the potty constantly. use potty words when changing them, from the beginning. then, off with the pants and stay off the carpet for the first day or two. then, training underpants (think extra-thick undies, no plastic) around the house. put the pants back on once they stop having constant accidents (earlier if you happen to have multitudes of pants and don’t mind laundry). stay at home as much as possible until they catch on, to avoid the diaper in the car routine. and don’t punish for accidents. an ‘oops, let’s clean it up’ attitude worked best around here.
i think there is a period around 18 months when kids are interested in the potty, start talking about it, etc. if you hit it, it’s easy. on the other hand, if you miss it, most kids don’t show interest again until between two and a half and three.
i like the idea of skipping the potty and going straight to the toiet, but my son was just too short! even now he prefers the potty, because #1 sometimes he forgets to poke his parts down and pees all over the bathroom and #2 when he slides off the toilet, his thighs stick to the seat and it hurts him. he still has short little legs– they can’t reach the stool.
i’ve heard stories from moroccans and egyptians about how they were potty trained back home, and it involved being burned on the booty with blown out matches. this utterly horrified me. so please, even if you were trained this way, please please please don’t do it to your kids. it can be hard, but be patient.
Ha… I tried the pants off method… and all cute son figured out was to pee well on the floor. He got really interested in getting his feet in position so he didn’t splash himself.
Around 2.5 years, he stopped pooping in diapers. Spontaneously. Beats me as to why. Then, right before three, I had him in the house without pants and he went pee in the toilet three times that day and I decided we were done with the diapers….
Our only problem now is nighttime/sleeptime continence. He’s getting better, but usually ends up backsliding.
mine gave up pull-ups at night when the baby came home. he said, “diapers are for babies.” that was it. of course, now i get up in the night with the baby *and* him (to take him to the potty). i need to cut back on fluids in the evenings, i guess.
Salaams.
Thanks for your informative post and great links. Although I have been there and done it with my daughter who is now 5, it still helps to read good tips again. My son is almost 30months old. We started toilet training earlier this week, must admit was apprehensive about it because I have heard boys are harder to train than girls. But Alhamdulilah things have been going well. I notice a huge difference in my attitude, with my daughter I was so on edge and wouldn’t allow myself to relax all day thinking about when she needs to go to the toilet. But this time I’m alot more patient and relaxed and my attitude is helping my son gain confidence. It’s not easy but we’ll get there eventually.
And I took my time deciding the right time for us to start, inspite of mil pressure. The other night my son announced that he was in a nappy(which was because he was in his pj’s ready for bed), my daughter offered her own explanation to her dad, “it’s because he kept wetting his pants today”. Mil overheard from the next room and said,”You see it’s hard for her, it doesn’t get any easier the longer you leave training”. I just suppressed a smile. On the contrary it gets easier I think.
I think trainer pants are great in the beginning when there are bound to be lots of accidents.
Oh yes and Zaynab, mil threatened my son with a blown out match too. I couldn’t believe it. But I don’t like confrontations so didn’t say anything and just laughed it off, “like you’re joking right!”.
Threatening me with a blown out match would make ME poo in my pants. I’d have to agree with you Taiba that the second time around we aren’t so stressed out about it. I believe my poor eldest took so long to master the toilet training because of my poor parenting. I still feel guilty about getting angry with him.
Nighttimes alhamdulillah haven’t been a drama. I’m still putting a nappy on for him at night but since he’s been trained during the day, he’s also dry at night -manages to keep a dry nappy and runs to the toilet in the morning.
I must admit having him out of nappies is great for our budget!
18 months? Wow, masha’Allah. A2 is nearly 19 months now but he hasn’t yet shown the slightest interest (beyond being furious if I dare visit the facilities without him), nor does he care at this point whether or not he’s got a load in his pants.
A1 took until the week before he turned four to be potty-trained. I’ve never admitted to that before…I always feel like it’s a sure sign of a bad mother, although, personally, I had no issues with it.
He’d been interested in the potty (by “potty” I mean toilet-trained as there was NO WAY I’d ever have one of those little pots in my house, having had a horrid experience at 13 while babysitting potty-training two year old twins: SCARRED FOR LIFE) at around 2.5, but we went to Jordan and that all went out the window with the stress of a new place, new language, and new people. While I was there, of course, I was really pressured to potty-train him (“take away all the diapers, and just tell him that there are no more diapers left in the whole world” — well, first of all, wasn’t going to LIE to him. Second of all, wasn’t the poor kid under enough stress already without forcing him to the potty?). I ignored everyone’s advice and didn’t really encourage him to go potty until we were back in the States and in our own home (which took several months). I was pregnant with A2 at the time, and hoped to have A1 out of diapers before the baby was born, but at the same time, I knew that a baby in the house would mean remission on the potty front. So we talked about it, looked at books, sat on the potty unproductively, had M&Ms for any surprise pees that happened actually on the toilet, but I didn’t stress about it. I was too tired to expend very much energy into the project and I just didn’t want it to be an ordeal for him.
And then, suddenly: one day he started 100% pottying. Just like that. Like that switch had been finally turned on. We still have night-time accidents but that runs in the family, so I’m not worried about that beyond making sure he doesn’t drink after a certain time of day and getting him to pee before actually going to bed. He’ll grow out of it soon.
As for A2: we’ll just play it by ear. That’s really the only way to do it, after all. Yes, it would be quite nice if it’s sooner rather than later, but I’m not expecting it: my husband plans to finish his degree and look for a job overseas just as A2 gets to the same age his brother was when we went to Jordan, and I rather expect that any potty-training at that point will be a story of rather retch-ed accidents.
Salams,
I laughed out loud at this post, as DH and I are doing a half-hearted attempt at trying to toilet train our nearly 3 year old. Because it is half-hearted we are stuck in twilight land between still wearing nappies to bed and out and about, but running around the house naked and making it to the potty most times. We just haven’t managed to graduate to the pants yet (if she wears pants she wets them thinking they are nappies I guess.)
The bit about the extra pair of hands was so funny!!!!
Salamaat,
awww thank you Tasmiya! I just saw this today!! you are too funny!
ewww..extra hands?!
Thank you all who also wrote in the comments; it seems like a huge age gap and every child is different; i just have to tune in a bit more to him and figure out when he is ready.
Thanks for clarifying on the potty vs. toilet option…I agree, I was a bit grossed out to think of cleaning out the potty. I have a feeling he may be excited to use the toilet; since anything that mimics adults seems to be delightful to him!
Thank you again:) I will check out the links too.
potty training is a challenge. i have 4 children and boy were they each different. what i would do the first day is take them every 10-15 minutes, i would do that for 2-3 days. then i would increase the time every 2 days, for an extra 10 minutes to the original time. by the end of a week and a half i would start taking them every 1 hour and usually by this time you have a pretty good idea of how long they can hold it for. hope this helps.
Was feeling totally desperate about my son’s potty training this morning and hit the web for advice. I found your blog and haven’t stopped laughing. Thank you all for making me feel I’m not alone. My son is 2yrs 5mths and we have been potty training for over a month (it feels like years). I bought into the whole stay at home, reward charts “potty box” of activities, it will all be sorted in three days malarky. My son uses the potty without accidents if he is able to run around naked, as soon as the pants go on he wets himself. He will sit on the potty and wee through his pants! The pulling of the pants up and down was obviously an issue so we all had to play the pants up and down game which didn’t amuse my partner much! So desperate am I that I made him a book about the boy who forgot to pull his pants down. It had a happy ending! I’m waiting for mine.
Saralou – The happy ending will come – I promise! We struggled for months with my first born. Don’t lose heart