Tasmiya

I haven’t gone into the specifics of my mother’s illness and am sorry for not updating about it all sooner. The truth is that, there is nothing to report. Her tests have all come back as inconclusive.

I know that I should be concentrating on the fact that she is well now and I am by no means ungrateful. Thing is that I am still grappling with this absurd idea that 4 specialist doctors just don’t know what she had/has and cannot explain what happened. The histopathology said most likely wall of an abscess but no bacteria were cultured after 6 weeks. The head of Infectious Diseases doesn’t know what it is.

Yes, we are all happy alhamdulillah that she is well. She is not in any pain and her breathing alhamdulillah is all good. She has stopped coughing.

But.

What was it? What is it? Will it come back? How did it happen. Why did it happen? I really hate not having the answers. My mother is thankful, so very thankful that it’s all over – that nothing was found, that she is still here with us, that she can breathe without effort. I do not know why that isn’t enough for me. It should be, of course it should be. I am very thankful it’s all over, I am so blessed to know that she is ok and that she is here with us, that she can breathe without effort.

But.

What was it? What is it? Will it come back. How did it happen? Why did it happen?

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and all of your duas. May Allah accept them and may He grant my mother a full recovery. I am amazed at the selflessness of those offering help. People have been calling, offering a comforting shoulder to cry on and giving practical help like cooking for us or offering baby sitting (and one such offer from Victoria – yes she is completely mad!) so we can just concentrate on being with my mum. My aunties have been particularly supportive and they have been watching out for us. Friends with whom I have lost contact have called to ask if there is anything they can do. I am truly humbled by people’s generosity and genuine concern.

Some days we are feeling positive and other days when we feel as though we will never get through this. My mother though, throughout it all has remained so hopeful and so positive that we can’t possibly show her our fears.

The surgery alhamdulillah went well. Mum’s chest was not filled with a blood clot but with pus! She was too sick to have the tumour/suspicious area of lung removed but the surgeon did manage to get another biopsy.

Mum is recovering alhamdulillah. She will be in hospital for 2 weeks, having IV antibiotics.

Histopathology should be ready any day now but I think we will only get the results on Monday.

More waiting.

More hoping.

And so much more praying.