Thankyou for calling the EMERGENCY, SKELETON STAFFED veterinary hospital.
It’s a Sunday. We have 2 vets currently working, one receptionist and one nurse. We have approximately 4 critical cases in hospital, 2 animals scheduled for caesarians and approximately 3 animals in the waiting room.
Press 1 if you don’t wish to make an appointment but would like to take up the receptionist’s time to discuss an annoying behavioural problem in your cat that has been going on for about 2 months.
Press 2 if you don’t live in this area and would like one of our staff to scour the internet and yellow pages (which you actually have in front of you) to find you the number of a clinic that is close to you.
Press 3 if you have absolutely NOTHING better to do on a Sunday than ring up to query Puppy preschool classes and how many weeks does it run for, how much does it cost and when can I book in.
Press 4 if you are annoyed that the WEEKEND staff don’t actually know about the Puppy preschool classes because you know, the classes don’t actually run on WEEKENDS. Did I mention it’s a Sunday?
Press 5 if you are one of our receptionists and you want to double book an “emergency” vaccination. Don’t ask a vet whether that would be appropriate or doable because the vet’s professional opinion and what the vet can handle at any one time is not important.
Press 6 if you want to tell the vet to “hurry it up a bit” because their are 5 more people in the waiting room because as above, you’ve DOUBLE BOOKED FOR NON-EMERGENCY PROCEDURES ON A SUNDAY WHERE THERE ARE LESS STAFF, MORE CRITICAL ANIMALS AND TWO VERY OVERWORKED AND ANNOYED VETS.
Press 7 to tell us that your turtle’s bum has come out again and would it be possible to leave it hanging out until Monday.
Press 8 to start complaining that you’ve walked into the clinic to see a vet because your dog has fleas and you haven’t made an appointment and you are angry that you haven’t been seen by a vet straight away.
