My 5 year old spotted a lizard in the backyard and quickly ran after it. After he picked up the little skink and brought it to me I realised it had probably been attacked by one of our cats. It had a small injury on its flank, which looked suspiciously like a cat bite wound. My son was determined to keep the lizard so he put it in a little plastic container. He carefully placed some sand and leaves to keep the reptile comfortable and shortly after began searching the garden for food.
I didn’t know how to tell him the little lizard was too sick to eat let alone tell him there was every possibility it could die from its injuries. Instead, we took the opportunity to talk about what sort of insects the lizard would find yummy and whether or not the little yellow rose in the garden would suffice.
It was time for lunch. My son took the little container and secured a place where the lizard would be safe from our cats and we went inside to eat. He was excited because a fly had landed on the lizard and he was so sure the skink would be hungry for fly today! After lunch, we ran to check on the lizard.
“I think he might have died, my darling.”
“No, mummy – he isn’t dead, he’s just sleeping.”
I left it at that. I wasn’t sure how he would take it if I continued to insist the truth. A few hours later ants covered the lifeless body. After gently poking and prodding and carefully shaking the ants off the lizard, my son realised the truth. I braced myself for tears, anger and confusion.
Nothing.
We discussed what we should do with the body. I told him Allah would want us to bury the lizard. That was what we did with all dead creatures. He refused only saying that he thought it would be better if we kept it in the container. Again I didn’t want to argue so we decided we would wait for his father to come home from work so we could decide as a family what do with our pet.
Much later that afternoon while we were playing in his bedroom my son came to me and asked, “Why did the lizard have to die, Mummy? I gave it food. I tried to give it water – I gave it a safe place to live. Why did it die?” I gently explained that we try our best to preserve life and that he did nothing wrong. In fact he did everything right in trying to save the lizard but if Allah decides it is time, there isn’t anything anyone can do to stop death.
I wondered how much he understood of death. I wondered if he realised one day he will lose someone very close to him – a friend, parent or grandparent no matter how much he wished them to stay in this world. The tears welled in his eyes, his skinny little body shook and he sobbed.
I realised then he had for the first time understood a little about death.
We held each other for the longest time and both wept.
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Salaam;
Wow. Subhana’Allah. It’s so hard. You want to protect them forever from this sort of pain but you know you never can. Sometimes there is nothing more difficult in the world than watching your children grow up because the world is so often a place of hurt.
It is sad but necessary to inform chilren of death. Thank God it was only a lizard that he had just found, it would have been worse if it were animal of a higher order, like a dog or cat, who he knew and loved for years. Those kinds of deaths are much harder to endure. This was much easier to bear than that. God is very kind in showing your son death in such a way that does not break his heart. May Allah bless you and all yours
Thanks for the comments
b – you’ve said exactly what I was thinking and put it in words so much more eloquently than I ever could
alioth – Jazakallah for putting this in perspective. It is much easier to learn about death this way than by losing someone very close.
as salaamu `alaykum Sis…
Catching up here … am now in Singapore. SubhanAllah, touching post. I agree with alioth – my daughter had to deal with my father’s death when she was just over a year old. She is a highly emotional child although she doesn’t show it and I think it may be due to dealing with death and separation at a young age.
I think you handled it ever so well with your son… what a caring and sensitive child ma shaa Allah.
As-salaamu alaikum Tasmiya, I think it takes a long time for children to understand about death and the death of an animal is a gentle start although the child will feel the grief with his whole being because for children the present moment is everything. I think you handled this so beautifully and written about it very movingly.