I’m not suffering post natal depression or depression of any kind – I am coping ok with the lack of sleep (and boy is it a LACK), the boys are good alhamdulillah; homework does drag me down and I do become frustrated with the boys and maybe I have a little less patience at times but I cannot say it’s any more than my usual. My patience generally wears thin around 3:30 and it’s really awful timing because that’s the time my boys are home and tired from school and have their own emotional stuff to deal with.
Even then, there is a weight of sadness that comes down on me at random times (hehe – random. I’m such a hipster.) It’s not affecting my daily life in any way other than it’s bloody annoying and I wish it would go away. I am keeping my mind occupied: reading books, entertaining guests, visiting loved ones, enjoying our weekends, cleaning out my cupboards and donating clothes and toys. You know, taking lemons and making lemonade (scones.) Then I wonder if the idea is NOT to occupy my mind. Maybe this melancholy is something that I must feel. Maybe like my Buddhism book says, I am meant to let the feeling come. Feel it and then let it go. Perhaps this is why it’s still here, knocking at my brain at inopportune times. It’s sneaking in through ajar doors and cracks in the walls; staying for short periods of time because it knows it’s not wanted. What it really needs is to be welcomed into the home, sit with me with a cup of tea and some bikkies and just be.
But what if I do that and it never leaves?
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oh I KNOW how you feel.i am feeling the same thing after weaning(do you know there is a thing called postweaning depression.why nobody talks about it?)i am constantly trying to cheer up but cant.i am feeling distant from my children and i have no idea why.there is nothing wrong but it all just feels wrong.
It’s annoying in a way but a bit scary isn’t it? I hope you and I get over this sadness soon.
Just caught up on about three months of your blog
The sadness could very well be a factor of the crippling fatigue you are experiencing. I had similar when mine were babies, and even now, if I have long stretches of rubbish sleep, I feel it descend again like a sea mist. Do whatever you can to catch naps (esp during the day when boys at school and bubby sleeps, or maybe on weekend when huz is home, try to sleep in at least one day, or go to bed at 7pm or something), and avoid making major life-decisions are assessments in this period (whenever I do, it’s always so glum, “My job is STUPID. I should QUIT.” “So-and-so clearly HATES ME. And WHY wouldn’t they?” I’ve learned now to catch myself, and realise it’s more the haze of sleeplessness talking rather than rationale, and to shelve any decision-making until I’m more rested. I just feel the feelings arrive, observe them, but don’t place much stock in them). Not sure if you’re the same, but it could def be playing a part. If not, I’d up the chocolate and diamond intake
PS sent you an email this morning xxxxxx
I checked my email xxxx
I think you’re right – much of it is sleep deprivation. It’s amazing how much we are actually CAPABLE of considering the mind-numbing exhaustion we are under. No major life decisions to be made at the mo, alhamdulillah.
xx