I’m not suffering post natal depression  or depression of any kind – I am coping ok with the lack of sleep (and boy is it a LACK), the boys are good alhamdulillah; homework does drag me down and I do become frustrated with the boys and maybe I have a little less patience at times but I cannot say it’s any more than my usual. My patience generally wears thin around 3:30 and it’s really awful timing because that’s the time my boys are home and tired from school and have their own emotional stuff to deal with.

Even then, there is a weight of sadness that comes down on me at random times (hehe – random. I’m such a hipster.) It’s not affecting my daily life in any way other than it’s bloody annoying and I wish it would go away. I am keeping my mind occupied: reading books, entertaining guests, visiting loved ones, enjoying our weekends, cleaning out my cupboards and donating clothes and toys. You know, taking lemons and making lemonade (scones.) Then I wonder if the idea is NOT to occupy my mind. Maybe this melancholy is something that I must feel. Maybe like my Buddhism book says, I am meant to let the feeling come. Feel it and then let it go. Perhaps this is why it’s still here, knocking at my brain at inopportune times. It’s sneaking in through ajar doors and cracks in the walls; staying for short periods of time because it knows it’s not wanted. What it really needs is to be welcomed into the home, sit with me with a cup of tea and some bikkies and just be.

But what if I do that and it never leaves?

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