Tasmiya

I promised those fatwas (yes, everybody, groan why don’t you ) a very long time ago so here they are:

Hanafi Madhab

Shafi’i Madhab

I also attended an ABA meeting in November last year on the topic of weaning. Obviously, their stance is to promote child-led weaning though they gave useful advice for mothers needing to wean. I was more interested in weaning at a later age (after 2 years) and I’m going by my ever failing memory here so I may have missed something:

1. Offer cuddles and hugs as a substitute for a feed.

2. Distraction

3. Being wide awake and already dressed by the time your child wakes up for their morning feed.

4. Explain that after she/he turns a certain age (whichever you decide) there will be no more breastfeeding. Sounds simple enough but it never occurred to me that the child would actually be at an age where they would understand (having had 2 boys who self weaned before 18 months of age).

5. Have a “big girl” or “big boy” party to acknowledge the transition.

6. Tell your child that breastfeeding is only for the morning/night/at home and if he/she is thirsty or needs comfort he/she can get this from a cup or a cuddle. This is useful when trying to reduce the number of feedings gradually. It also avoids those stares from onlookers, horrified that you are STILL feeding your toddler.

7. Offer solid food before a breastfeed.

8. Use your partner as a distraction. It’s hard to refuse a feed if your child is right there, cuddling in your arms so let your partner hold your child and take of him/her at night

Have I missed anything?

I can’t say I did that much research into breastfeeding while I was pregnant with my first child. I knew it was good and just thought it the natural – not in the organic/herbal/no-chemicals/no additives natural but the normal/this is what is done after having a baby natural – thing to do. Plus I didn’t really want to have to deal with sterilising and scrubbing bottles and teats. I’m lazy.

Breastfeeding is physically demanding. Nobody warned me about that. Nobody told me that my body would go into milkmaking overdrive at the expense of almost everything else. Sleepless nights would inevitably mean I would have little milk the next day. It works out well, though (surely Allah is the best of planners) because it made me take care of myself. Taking naps here and there (OK – granted, it wasn’t enough and I could always do with more sleep) really helped. I was never one to drink water but breastfeeding is not possible without proper hydration. So there I was drinking copious amounts of water anytime I had a spare moment.

Breastfeeding is isolating. It’s lonely being the breastfeeding mother. I’m realising this now watching sister-in-law with her brand new beautiful daughter. Socialising is restricted to times when baby isn’t feeding (especially if you are not comfortable feeding with other people around or others are uncomfortable around you) and if baby likes to feed ALL the time and forever, it’s really hard to chat to people. What’s worse is that even at home with the family, it’s lonely. Baby can’t get sustenance from dad (of course there is the expressing milk option but remember, I’m lazy) so for nights, it’s just mum and baby – not saying fathers don’t help but in my experience they aren’t awake every night every 3 hours like mum is.

It’s a powerful comforter and the best way to reconnect with my baby. Since my 14 month old is on solids now and feeding less frequently I am finding my milk supply diminishing. It doesn’t mean either of us are ready to stop nursing. I am irritable lately and if he notices I am getting a little grumpy he becomes needy and wants to nurse. Right now, mum. NOW! It’s his way of asking, “are we OK, mum?” Of course there are other ways to bond with one’s child and a mother who doesn’t breastfeed is not inferior in any way. For me though there is nothing that quietens my son and makes him more happy than a nurse when he’s hungry or upset.