Nearly 4-year-old attends daycare two times a week. There was a point where I just could not stimulate him and I was feeling run down. He enjoyed school immensely and I’ve continued to take him. Lately, though he has been a bit teary about going so I’ve made an effort to go a little early and play with him. I stay until he is happy and comfortable.
During our playtime, I’ve witnessed a few things that bother me. One of these “things” involves a boy who we shall just call “D”. D has a reputation for being a bit of a bully and an all-round difficult child. He refuses to obey the teachers ‘commands and throws a tantrum whenever he does not get his own way. He is a tall, handsome boy – beautiful blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. His smile is quite infectious.
The daycare centre lays out different activities during outside play. Without fail, D is busy doing something different, he always has a toy in his possession and regularly moves toys from the sandpit when they are meant to stay there. These are hardly criminal, granted. Sometimes he hits other children. Occasionally he is reprimanded or punished (“Go and have some D-time”) where he is to sit away from the other children but not participate. He does not often stay there.
Now, I’m no child psychologist, nor do I have any expertise in child behaviour. I can understand a child who breaks rules on the odd occasion or even more often. Nearly 4-year-old has displayed all this behaviour (and worse too). I seem to have bad days when my son just doesn’t want to do as I say and deliberately (or so it seems) makes things more difficult for me. With D, I see it all the time. Maybe there are problems at home? Maybe he is just a demanding child? Maybe I am singling D out because I caught him trying to bite my son?
Through all his misbehaviour, one thing is a constant –> he is rewarded with continued and often one-on-one attention with the teachers. I’m not saying he doesn’t need the attention and granted, it does keep him away from mischief and the other children I am sure feel a lot safer. What I do see is that the other children are often left to their own devices and not encouraged in their play or given any attention at all. It seems D has learned what he needs to do to get attention. It’s been working all this time, why should he now start to change and lose it all? what really worries me is where does that leave the majority of the children happy to play NICELY and to obey the rules? All they are looking for is a glance their way and a, “Good job! Aren’t you playing well?” but the teacher is too busy teaching D how to use a pencil sharpener, sitting with D and talking, letting D paint while the other children are only using pencils.
I don’t know what the answer is. If there is something genuinely wrong at home, or if he has some behavioural issues I do sympathise. Every child needs to feel safe and happy in their home. I just don’t like the way my child (and the other children of course) is virtually ignored for his good behaviour while a child who is regularly misbehaving is rewarded continually.
Another reason homeschooling is looking more and more appealing.
