Category: Rant


The Sandwich Maker’s Lament

Filed Under: Parenting, Rant by Tasmiya — Leave a comment
December 3, 2008

My sandwiches are never good enough. I don’t put enough mayonnaise or put too little cheese. I ALWAYS cut them the wrong way and YES YOU DO HAVE TO EAT THE CRUSTS! I sometimes forget to bring the sandwiches to the gym’s creche which means the whole word is going to fall apart at any second – the monster at the centre of the Earth is going to erupt from a sea of molten lava and we will all die.

There is no nutella, perhaps you would care for honey or jam?

I cannot go to the shops to buy the nutella for you and come home and make you a sandwich. We are in a bit of a rush and honey is just as sweet as nutella, wouldn’t you say? How about jam? Jam with some butter? I know you don’t like cheese so I won’t offer that to you.

Oh you want cheese?

Did you say you wanted a cheese sandwich like your brother?

Are you sure you want a CHEESE sandwich. Is that what you are saying?

Yes, ok a cheese sandwich it is.

Yes..it’s coming!

Here you go.

OHHHHH you mean you DON’T like cheese?

I’m so sorry I was mistaken.

Silly sandwich maker.

*sigh*

What do I know?

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Won’t Someone Think of the Children?

Filed Under: Life and stuff, Parenting, Rant by Tasmiya — 1 Comment
October 17, 2008

You named our daughter what?

The parents had agreed to name the girl Ava Grace, but father Mark Ciptak instead filled out the birth certificate with the political name to draw attention to the candidates, he told local newspaper the Kingsport Times News.

(emphasis mine)

DRAW ATTENTION TO THE CANDIDATES?

DRAW ATTENTION TO THE CANDIDATES?

Whiskey

Tango

Hotel

?

Because well, it’s not like every minute of every hour the whole world is hearing about the candidates, is it?

I think it’s more that the father wanted to draw attention to himself.

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I have been very busy organising my life or at the very least avoiding organising my life but I have to embellish a little because nobody wants to read about how utterly boring my life is at the moment. So yes, I have been doing many an exciting and adventurous thing cosying up to celebrities such as Ajax Floor Cleanser, Vax and Morning Fresh Dishwashing Liquid and everyone’s favourite star –  Harpic Toilet Cleaner.

I even have autographs!

That made no sense whatsoever.

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I have been hopeless at going to the gym of late and my diet has consisted of handfuls of Milo cereal at stressful points in my day WHICH MEANS CONSTANTLY, chocolate and biscuits and then a protein shake to try to balance it out. Hint – it is not balancing it out.

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I will be attending a seminar for Muslimahs. This time the topic is marriage (groan). If anyone needs seminars on marriage it’s the Muslim men! I mean, help out with the cooking and cleaning and LOOKING AFTER THE CHILD THAT YOU HELPED BRING INTO THIS WORLD YOU LAZY SODS*. You aren’t going to lose your masculinity if you pick up a broom and sweep when you see your wife is elbow deep in dishes or elbow deep in nappy duty. And while we are on that note – you aren’t going to lose your manhood if you change some nappies once in a blue moon.

*This of course does not include husband because he is wonderful mashaAllah mashaAllah.

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I have to go and pray now and pray 2 rakats extra for shukr for having such a great hubsand.

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